there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
