At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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