I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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