Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
