I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
