Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
