So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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