Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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