I'm passing your future prison.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
