The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
