I didn't shave. On purpose
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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