Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone shattered a urinal.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
