im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
