that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
