I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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