I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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