Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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