I haven't been this sober since birth.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
being pregnant is like rehab
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
