dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The air was thick with penises
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
