I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
