Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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