you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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