so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize