Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
