It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
