wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
