so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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