So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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