There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
