Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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