He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i've created a new STD.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
