Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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