Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Randomize
