I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
