Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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