She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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