idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So much rum. So many feels.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
