dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
