What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Randomize
