and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We need to get me chipped asap
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
