I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
