I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
