obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
