I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
