He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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