im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
A bitchslap is in order.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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