is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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