i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
