If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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