He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
