Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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