i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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