cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
