I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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