do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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