Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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