$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
