his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
