we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
