yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
