At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
