Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let's get the cat blown out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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