Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
