One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
