Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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