I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I believe in your delicious
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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