i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
