Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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