Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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