Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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