That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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