I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
