the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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