So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we're making bets on your personal life
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
