We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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