So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
